I am always looking to transform. Human nature is to be dynamic and to evolve; therefore, transformation feels thrilling and elating. I don’t want to settle for the feeling that I am simply “managing” better. I want to know that I am on my way to becoming more of who I am meant to be: thrilled, creative, joyful, expansive, and free! If you are looking for a therapist/coach to help propel you forward toward transformation, here are a few considerations that I hope will be clarifying:
- To start with, look for a therapist/coach who feels like your vibrational match (see my previous blog about vibrational matching). If you don’t enjoy your therapist/coach as a person, chances are it’s going to be difficult to understand them and feel understood in return, and the whole thing will likely become a drag soon enough. Even if they give you relevant feedback, you may dismiss it simply because you don’t feel they are emotionally resonant with you. The therapeutic relationship is based on the same things that every good relationship is built on: it should feel like it’s enjoyable to spend time together! Don’t worry about being too picky, hold out for a real match that feels good to you.
2. You want your therapist/coach to know and be able to offer more than your friends, neighbors, and the influencers you can watch on YouTube for free. Do you feel like every conversation is eye opening and clarifying, or are you having your hand held and your feelings validated but that’s about it? Having a therapist’s/coach’s understanding of how you feel is indeed essential in order to figure out how to help you move forward, but validation without further clarity and a game plan for what to do is not enough.
3. Have a realistic time frame in mind for the work you want to accomplish. If you’ve struggled with something for a very long time, it may well take quite a while for you to start to feel better and do better. After all, it is not uncommon for all of us to be attached to the familiar and unknowingly continue to choose suffering while claiming that we’d love nothing more than to change.
4. Be willing to have hard conversations with your therapist/coach if you feel a lack of movement forward. Do hold them accountable for their part of things: is the person taking it too easy on you during the sessions, or do they simply not have more to offer you? However, also be ready to take in honest feedback about why they think things are slow-moving. For example, might you be hoping that the therapist/coach will provide an easy, wave-of-the-magic-wand solution and you’ll get to skip over sitting with your own discomfort? Are you ready to take responsibility for how you are contributing to creating your own obstacles?
5. Be willing to move on. I know it is not easy to decide to move on to another therapist/coach. The complaint I hear most often is, “Ugh, I just don’t want to start all over again with someone new.” But the reality is that something is not better than nothing. Holding on to something that’s not working for you isn’t going to get you where you want to go. Sure, staying might be the more comfortable and easier solution but at the end of the day, if moving forward is what you want, stay connected to that desire to expand and transform and take the risk of being less comfortable. The universe is abundant and has everything you need, so there is never a reason for you to settle in any area of your life, including in your choice of therapist/coach. Be brave, don’t hold on too tightly to the familiar, and allow the path to your transformation to find you!